If you want the video of this, click here to watch Part 5: Permission To Succeed So far, we’ve talked about: Part 1: Permission To Be Clear Part 2: Permission To Be Convicted Part 3, Permission To Pursue Your Conviction Part 4: Permission To Be On a Journey Because we’re mere weeks away from the release my new book, I’m hearing from more and more of you. The Insider’s Club is still available for pre-orders, so click here to learn more about that. This is the “final-ish” permission and I say that because there are more permissions that need to be granted. However, this fifth permission is powerful and essential and good. Shout out to my Goaldiggers, my Waychangers, my SHE Prophets, my Spirit Junkies: what a joy it has been to be with you all over the last couple of weeks. The countdown is here. Two weeks away from the end of the decade. This just recently dawned on me. There is a whole additional set of excitement AND angst that people are feeling because of the nature of what’s going on right now. I feel you, I hear you, we got you.
I have some personal things to share about this last permission. We were in part four, Permission To Be On a Journey and talking about being messy and willing to let go about perfection and the pressure. I had been doing this meditation exercise: getting up early, getting my workout in, getting my meditation in. I fell off the wagon. The prosperity plan is 40 days and if you miss a day you have to go back to day one. I was on Day 32. And I missed it. I was so excited: I got this, ready to launch into a new level before the new year, I had the whole narrative down. And I missed a day. So, I have go to back to day one. The temptation to beat myself down was great when I discovered that I had missed it. I was in this journaling process and I saw myself start to go there and I paused. I said, you know what? I’m not going to do this. I’m not going to do this this way. I’m going to do this a little bit differently. I’m going to create a different kind of reality for myself. I’m going to create a new possibility for myself that isn’t rooted in beating “me” up. When I made that decision, when I made that commitment, something inside of me shifted. And what I heard was, “you’re on the journey and this is part of your journey.” I’m shifting from an old paradigm into a new paradigm. “If you never stumble, how can you teach this?” Everything that is happening to me right now (stumble, bumble, slip, drop) is part of the journey. I have to live it to be able to talk other people through it. I need to know the nuances of what this is. I need to know the nooks and crannies of what this is, if I’m really going to hold people to it, walk people through it, guide people through it. I’m not going to get it on the first try. “Can you have compassion for yourself? Because you’re going to invite other people to be compassionate with themselves.” For the first time I can consciously remember, I felt deeply grateful for exactly where I was. I know myself. I’m good but I’m always ready to get THERE… get bigger, higher, stronger. I’ve never really been about here. I’ve never been about being right here in this way. This was deep for me. The first thing I did was rededicated myself: Day 1, here we go. No drama. No mayhem. No self-flagellation. And the second thing I did was have deep and profound gratitude for this life, body and experience. I have the capacity to be awake and aware enough to have gotten that insight in the first place. I have the ability to start over. I was supremely humbled by this experience. As I’m sharing this, you can guess what I’m going to say. I want you to take this in in a way you never have before. Your journey is YOURS for a reason. It doesn’t belong to anybody else. I say that with the deepest regard because I know how much we can compare. We see somebody someplace else and it raises all of the feelings about where and what we are not. I want to say to every single one of you that your journey is perfect. Often, we get moving past where we’ve been. But it’s hard to accept what you’re grappling with or challenging you NOW. What is kicking your behind right now? That is a gift. Your journey is perfect. It is the place from which you are going to draw your next level of wisdom. It is the place from which you are going to teach. It is the place from which you are going to give your greatest testimony. If you could know that in this moment, right now, what kind of appreciation could you have for where you’are at? Your job is to become a great observer of your own experience. Your job is to allow yourself to glean the lesson and the insight in real time. One: you are being prepared for whatever is coming. Two: this is part of what you’re here to share. To be on the court, fully engaged in your life - awake and aware - is to be ready to grow your wisdom in real time. Keep rededicating yourself. I could’ve gotten stuck in 32. But I had to surrender and go back to one and just put my head to the pillow and know that it was divine and perfect and exactly what I was supposed to see. Because I know that right now, for me, building the muscle of rededicating myself to whatever it is (especially if it isn’t coming easy or fast or quick) is good and right. Wherever this is landing for you, keep rededicating yourself. Keep taking action. Keep moving forward. Let go of judging. Embrace observance. Know that exactly where you are is worthy to be fully honored. Honor the journey. Love the journey. Make friends with the journey. It is yours. It is 100% yours. No one will have your journey.
This one caught me off guard, I’ll admit it. A couple of months ago, I was in a session moving through a lot of stress and intensity, healing trauma and more. The phrase came up in the tapping meditation, “I give myself permission to succeed.” And actually I heard it for the first time. And what I began to realize about myself when I looked over my life and all of the things that I’ve done: if you look on the front end, I’m working. Extra effort, extra credit, meeting the deadline, doing the thing. In the background, I had an expectation of failure. I had a belief that it wasn’t all going to go down: that, no matter what I did, it wouldn’t quite come together. Valiant effort. Nice try, but no cigar. And I had become accustomed to thinking that way and behaving that way. So, frontward facing: all achievement. But, in my mind, heart and spirit, the messages were: “Not going to work out” “Not going to come together” “Not going to happen” “Not going to win” “No victory here” I gave myself no permission to achieve the thing I was working toward. Even though I was killing myself trying to make it happen, I had no expectation of it actually working. So, when I do succeed, I don’t take it in. It doesn’t even process or register for me. Do you hear me? It doesn’t feel like a win. This is, I think, one of the definitions of imposter syndrome. You can achieve like nobody’s business but you still feel like a failure. I didn’t know myself as successful, I never felt successful. I saw myself as striving, reaching, overcompensating. And, here I am, launching this huge book, and I’ve put my soul into this. I’ve put in thousands and thousands of hours. I recognize that, deep deep down, even with all of this effort I’m putting into the book, I have not given myself permission. I’m still operating from: no matter what, it doesn’t matter, it won’t win… I’m not enough… it’s not going to be enough. With all of the ways that I show up physically, I still emotionally am holding back. I’m guarding my heart. I’m protecting myself and shielding myself from the inevitable disappointment of it not working out. And so, I thought in that moment, let’s do this thing different. “I give you permission to succeed.” And what that meant for me (and what that means for me) is emotionally investing in what I want to achieve. I can be willing to open my heart and not hold anything back from what I’m looking to achieve. I need to really give it my all. And to give it my all… publicly.
I give myself permission to care. I’m not going through the motions. I give myself permission to not be ashamed about what I want and to go for it full-force, regardless of the outcome. Here’s the thing: I can’t control what the outcome is. The only thing I can do is control how I show up for it. If any part of me is holding back, I’m not really giving myself full clearance. I’m going through the motions and I might look good going through the motions. But I’m not really going for it unless my heart’s in it. Permission to succeed is about being willing to allow yourself to invest emotionally in what matters to you. Permission to succeed is really saying, okay, I’m willing to bet it all on me. This is about our willingness to write a new story. Regardless of what happens, I have to trust and believe that those who genuinely love and respect me will continue to do so. Those who are genuinely in my corner will continue to be in my corner. Everything else, I have to let go of. More important than anything, regardless of where it lands, I need to know and believe that I am enough. These things do not define me. I can afford to invest in it, because it does not define me. These things don’t determine whether or not I’m worthy. That’s already been decided by my source.
So, here is my question for you all: Are you willing to give yourself permission? The million dollar question is: what’s holding you back? If there’s any sense of hesitation: what’s holding you back? One thing that holds back is disappointment. You build a wall. Emotionally you step back. That applies to work, relationships, parenting, everything. In all of those things, you find yourself going through the emotions because failure is too big a risk. If you never emotionally invest, we’re never really going to know what we’re about. You won’t know your full potential until you give it your all.
When I tell you that I am newly discovering what I have the potential to be, I really do mean that. I thought I knew, until I recognized that this permission was missing. This is about not only being willing to bet on you but for you to be the one for you. A lot of us have this fantasy about the great rescue. Oh, if Oprah would just have me on. No shame in that aspiration but ultimately you are still hanging onto something else that will determine whether or not you have arrived. This invitation is about being willing to be the star in your own movie; the center of your own reality. That is enough. You are amazing. You have no reason to hold back. We’ve rationalized and think we do but when we really get underneath it, it’s a lack of this permission. This is a false construct that keeps us from the full truth of who we are.
Think it through: What’s holding you back? Could be past assumptions, what you think you don’t have or aren’t capable of. Where are you holding back? Get specific: it may not be everywhere. Are you willing to give yourself total permission to go for it? This will mean that you receive and experience all of the goodness that comes with that. You could feel like you’re holding back in a lot of areas. Start the work. You may find a single wall that can be broken down and begin to dismantle the infrastructure where you’re not free in this permission. Your homework is to work with this. Five minutes in the mirror. Really ask yourself: where am I holding back? Your opportunity is to look at all of the areas but then choose one area where you’re willing to give yourself permission to succeed. Start to work with that one area. What way will you do things differently and show up as your full self? What do you see that will be different when you’re no longer committed to holding back emotionally? Get specific about a milestone, conquer it, and then go to the next area. Take your time. The timeline is yours. Notice what’s different when you do this: actions, conversations, energy. Where am I willing to set myself free?